she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
