Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
