i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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