She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
