Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
