Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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