Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
