I'm so fucking centered right now
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
