Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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