Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
