first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
