is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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