sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
