Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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