my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm passing your future prison.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
