I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
