i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize