I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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