the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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