Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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