HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's never too late to be topless.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
