Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
