I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
