haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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