Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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