Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize