He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
