my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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