I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
