it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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