im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize