Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
