I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
