Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
