you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
