I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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