haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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