I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
