I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i dont even know how to be here
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
