its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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