Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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