There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
