i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
