I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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