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I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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