dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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