i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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