I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
