STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
