i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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