I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize