he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
