so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Pooping to opera.
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