New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
