3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
