last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My feet surprised me
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