I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
