Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
