Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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