oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
