im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
