It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
