I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
BRING THE BAGELS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
