you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
