If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize