Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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