I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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