This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
