So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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