hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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