I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
