So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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