I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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