We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
