things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
