Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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