how can u be prego again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
