I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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