I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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