Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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