She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
