well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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