Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
