if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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