His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
