If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
sex in a hospital.. check
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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