My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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