I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
