Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
