She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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