I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
