Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
