I'm jealous of your bromance
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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