Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
