she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
