I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
