Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
