I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize