You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
